Have you ever felt the sting of a double standard — where someone expects grace, understanding, or respect from you, but offers little of it in return? Double standards don’t build connection — they create confusion, resentment, and distance. They often show up in subtle, relational ways that are hard to name but deeply felt. […]
Category: What I’ve Learned
Illusions in Trauma Recovery – November 6, 2024
This image holds a powerful reminder of how our perceptions can be misleading. It’s a photo of rocks that, from a particular angle, appear as a person quietly sitting in water, reading a book. The visual illusion mirrors the inner landscape of trauma recovery: assumptions about appearances can lead to profound misunderstandings. When I […]
DISCREDIT – September 9, 2024
Discrediting a person is a common behaviour from someone who feels afraid, shameful, or jealous. Sometimes it comes from sheer ignorance. To those who receive the misjudgment (discrediting) know what is being said is not true and trust that eventually the truth will come out and if the accused is innocent, they’ll be exonerated. Childhood […]
I Feel Sorry. July 30 2024
I feel sorry for those who don’t understand the impact of interpersonal trauma, which is what childhood trauma is. Doing the hard work at figuring out what has been underneath my health and social challenges has made a big difference in my life. In the past I’ve felt frustrated and hurt that certain people didn’t […]
Post Abuse Grooming Dec 6, 2023
If we consider ourselves amongst those who empathize, respect and dignify others, we interact with others with an underlying assumption that those we cross paths with are the same way. We project our own goodness onto others, assuming they’re like us. In time we learn that nothing could be further from the truth. There are […]
SIBLING SEXUAL ABUSE – WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? JULY 11, 2022
Why did you let it happen? In the past this question was either thought of or asked of one who survived sexual assault or sexual abuse. Perhaps the victim/survivor may have even asked themself the same question. Now it is offensive. It comes from a victim-shaming and victim-blaming mindset. Fortunately, society has come a long […]
WHY DON’T YOU JUST PRAY ABOUT IT? May 1, 2022
Why don’t you just pray about it? ** Possible Trigger Warning The quick reply I’d give is: What makes you think I don’t? The number of times this question is asked by persons of faith to survivors of child abuse [childhood trauma] is impossible to count. While those who ask this question […]
ENABLING – MARCH 20, 2022
Most of us would shudder to ever think that we would enable a predator or an abuser to abuse a child. To enable is defined as: To provide the means or opportunity; to make possible, practical, or easy; to cause to operate To give legal power, capacity, or sanction to With this definition would you […]
THE FOUR ASPECTS OF GROOMING
Grooming has been talked about and related to child sexual abuse a lot recently. Especially when it is done by those in positions of authority and trust and how they can twist what they’re doing around to make it *seem* perfectly okay and justified. Larry Nassar comes to mind when I make this statement. Yet […]
MINDFUL MEDITATION
I’m not talking about transcendental meditation or any other type of meditation that involves anything hokey or Woo Woo type of stuff. Mindful Mediation is about teaching your brain and your body to reconnect. As Child Trauma survivors, we had to learn how to ignore or shelve away the awful emotions and feelings we had. […]