If we consider ourselves amongst those who empathize, respect and dignify others, we interact with others with an underlying assumption that those we cross paths with are the same way. We project our own goodness onto others, assuming they’re like us.
In time we learn that nothing could be further from the truth. There are those who aren’t like us at all. These ones pretend enough “niceness” to manipulate people in order to get what they want. And they live among us, in our homes, places of employment, churches, social clubs, etc.
Abusers have a smooth and cunning way that can lead the listener to feel sorry for them. Whenever they feel threatened, like possibly being outed, the denial and wily psychological manipulation are amped up. This behaviour is called Anticipatory Grooming. They can make themselves appear spiritual, caring, right and nice to outsiders. It sounds devilish.
People who abuse others psychologically and emotionally are incapable of fellow feeling. Some can fake concern though. That is what makes it challenging – to see them for who they truly are and accepting that they won’t change.
Abusers are good at enlisting the help of enablers who talk and gossip amongst themselves, forming opinions that are not based on facts. They delude themselves and turn their backs on the abused. Sometimes the enablers join the abuser in the abuse, or the cover up. The gang mentality Is formed and the abuser is pleased he’s got more people under his control. The victim suffers unspeakable and immeasurable damage. Where can she go to feel safe?
It’s been a journey to accept that nefarious people are in my close circle or peripheral – lying and deceiving themselves and others. My abuser is still denying and his enablers are part of his cover-up. After five years of hanging onto a sliver of hope, it’s clear they won’t be open to the truth. It’s their choice to remain in the dark and to be deceived. Their ignorance is willful.
Post Abuse Grooming….that’s what it is.
Sadly, my situation is common, especially amongst families where there’s sibling abuse. They’ve deceived themselves and are trying to silence me.
This is a big reason why learning about the Grooming tactics of abusers is important.
I’ve made it easy to educate yourself by writing a book devoted to the subject of Grooming. In Identifying The Wolf, I unpack the four different types of that happen in three stages of the Grooming process.
Order your copy today through my website or Amazon.