When I was a child, life was different. In the 60s/70s there was little to no understanding of the impact of childhood trauma and nothing about intergenerational trauma. *Trauma* was not an everyday word. Emotional literacy and emotional intelligence were unheard of.

I don’t have a lot of memories of my early childhood. However, I’m well aware I grew up in a strict critical environment with corporal punishment. Spankings were common back then. I don’t recall experiencing warm affection. Praise and commendation were rarely given. I believe my parents did their best with what they knew; they made sure we had food, clothing, shelter and play activities. To my demise, I suffered through terrifying events and endured sexual, physical and emotional abuse – at home.

There was little to no conversation about feelings and how to healthily manage them – with respect and compassionate dialogue. The right environment wasn’t there for me to feel safe nor to develop a healthy sense of self-worth. Disconnection to my feelings was necessary in order to be around my abusers. This culture inflicted deep emotional wounds. As a result, I had a lot of struggles.

Throughout adulthood I sought out mental health support. Yet, it wasn’t until 2018 that the secret of being sexually assaulted by a sibling became too heavy to bear. The full impact of what I experienced came crashing through causing devastation everywhere. This was the catalyst for making huge changes. I now needed to work through the deep emotional pain. The sheer terror I felt along with the burden of secrets caused physical and mental burnout. Focusing was impossible so I left my employment. I felt angry having to address these memories again. Emotional flashbacks began to shut me down. I was developing agoraphobic tendencies. The emotional pain was so intense that I had to work through suicidal ideation. It was a dark period in my life. I felt I was unravelling.

I felt hopeless and wondered if I was always going to be like this. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and began to seek knowledge and understanding. I found helpful videos on YouTube re Complex Trauma and Complex PTSD. I went to therapists and did my own bibliotherapy. I was reminded of the neuroplasticity of the brain. Things shifted. How fortunate to be alive when neuroscience and traumatologists share their findings! Now I had hope that I could recover….. today!

I chose to invest in myself and have worked hard ever since to recover from my own childhood trauma. I have healed, gained insight, and grown so much since that pivotal year.