Survivors of childhood trauma often struggle with the confusion stemming from a lack of boundaries and respect for their bodies, which is a significant challenge to overcome. Added to this there probably was an environment that lacked emotional intelligence and healthy supportive and loving conversations. These survivors usually grew up feeling devastatingly alone, even insignificant.

As they heal and learn to name what they experienced, the need to say out loud what happened to them is important. Telling is a vital step in trauma recovery. In telling the survivor validates themselves and reinforces that what happened to them is wrong, bad, criminal, and it should have never happened. It also sheds light on the fact that they didn’t have the emotional support needed to be safe enough; they didn’t feel loved, cared for and about, they were not protected or nurtured.

So, it’s not the outright abuse that scars and damages, it is also what didn’t happen for them.

Later if they decide to go to a therapist and begin to unravel their confusing story, and it is received with compassion, understanding and tenderness, they begin to lift their heads up. And with that, they start the journey of handing shame back onto the ones who abused and neglected.

If these survivors are raised as Christians or are Bible readers it can be confusing when they learn about the admonition to not gossip or spread disparaging information about others. So… what to do?  Is it wrong to go to the police?

Is it wrong to talk about what happened to you?

Is it wrong or unchristian to share your story, to share about the pain you went through and how the abuse impacted you?

Should you feel ashamed for telling?

Absolutely not. Your story deserves to be heard. YOU deserve and should be heard.

Telling IS healing. And I’ll get more personal here.

It is not gossip when you share what happened to you.

If the abuser(s) get upset because you’re telling what they did, that is not on you. That is their shame surfacing. It is not your responsibility to fix their feelings, to soften the blow of reality, to protect them, to ease their discomfort.

For some survivors, the push back from the abusers and their enablers/supports can be intense. Remember, it is not you who did wrong; it is them. They don’t like their vile deeds coming to light. Speaking out is not being disloyal, it is not gossiping, and it is certainly not unchristian. You are not “airing dirty laundry.” In fact, speaking truth is expected of Christians, covering up wrongdoing is a sin. And child abuse is not something that survivors need to “just get over, just let it go and move on.”

If they accuse you of gossiping or making up stories, then they are gaslighting. Be careful not to get sucked into their refusal to own their choices and behaviours. Stand true in your clarity of what was and is happening.

For your wellness, stick to those who believe you, who validate you, who support you, who are kind and patient and understanding. You will heal more within healthy relationships. Stay away from toxic ones – the ones who prefer to spew their shame back onto you.  These ones are too busy looking at the “straw” in your eye while ignoring the “rafter” in their own.

What is wrong is covering up the wrongdoing – the interpersonal crimes. If people want to heal, they need to face what happened. Name it accordingly – not sugar coat it or dismiss it as immature mistakes, especially if the perpetrator was also a minor at the time. The perpetrator(s) need to own what they did. If they are truly sorry, there would be evidence of intense remorse. There would be apologies and a proactive approach to repair the damage caused and ensure it isn’t repeated. These are signs of emotional and spiritual maturity. And the survivor also needs to face what happened, name it, and do the work necessary to heal the deep wounds (trauma) that resulted. Believe me, there are layers and layers to work through, and you CAN do the hard work – with the right support.

It’s true that as a survivor, you have a significant journey of healing ahead. But remember, this journey is yours to take, and it’s one that leads to a life filled with joy, meaning, and confidence. By continuing the work of trauma recovery, you’re not only healing yourself but also paving the way for healthier emotional connections with others. Every step you take is a step towards a brighter future. And always remember, you are worth every bit of effort and love you invest in yourself.

I am here to walk alongside you. Reach out when you’re ready to take the next step.

Have you ever felt the sting of a double standard — where someone expects grace, understanding, or respect from you, but offers little of it in return? 

Double standards don’t build connection — they create confusion, resentment, and distance.
They often show up in subtle, relational ways that are hard to name but deeply felt. 

At the root of many double standards are traits like emotional immaturity, unacknowledged pain, and sometimes, subtle narcissistic behaviors. These aren’t always dramatic or intentional — in fact, they often fly under the radar, masked as personality quirks or “just how someone is.” As licensed clinical social worker Bree Bonchay points out, these traits can quietly undermine relationships, creating imbalance and frustration. The list below reflects some of those patterns.  

You may recognize them in others — and maybe, if you’re willing to be gently honest, in yourself too. 

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.
Because it’s awareness — paired with honesty, humility, and integrity — that allows us to build stronger, healthier connections. 

1. Grandiose, yet fragile 

1. Can dish it out, but can’t take it 

1. Demanding you meet their needs, but uninterested in meeting yours 

1. Hypersensitive, yet insensitive 

1. Oppositional, yet intolerant of opposition 

1. Emotionally intitled, yet depriving 

1. Quick to blame, but unwilling to accept accountability 

1. Image conscious, but lacks self-awareness 

1. Expects absolute loyalty, but is quick to betray others 

1. Demands constant praise, but is very critical 

She labels these as “the narcissistic paradoxes of double standards.” 

We know that the word narcissistic is thrown around a lot these days. Unfortunately with people becoming more socially attuned we are now able to identify some of our experiences and perhaps even our own behaviours. Being imperfect, we all have a thread of what is now called narcissism inside (self-centeredness). Knowing this and doing something about it is the jam. Emotionally and spiritually mature people don’t make excuses for their imperfections. 

So let’s reframe her 10 into something more self-reflective. 

1. Do I think/believe I deserve to be respected and feel hurt when I am not? 

1. I find it easy to tease or be sarcastic yet don’t like it when I am the brunt of other’s “jokes?” 

1. Do I want people to meet my needs but make excuses why I’m not there for others? 

1. Am I easily offended while not being aware that I can be insensitive to other’s feelings and needs too? Perhaps being particular towards whom I show sympathy towards? 

1. I don’t like it when people talk back, ignore what I’m saying, yet have no problem standing up for myself and calling people out on their stuff that I don’t like. 

1. Do I expect others to respect my emotional needs yet am not sensitive to others’ needs, according to them? 

1. Am I quick to point out the faults of and the neglects of others but don’t like to fully own my failures in the relationship? 

1. Do I describe myself as being self-aware while downplaying my faults? 

1. Do I expect others to not talk about me negatively while I talk about them negatively?  

1. Do I expect to be commended and acknowledged for the good I do and the changes I’ve made but cannot seem to see the good in others or commend them for trying? 

And I’ll add 10 more. 

1. Do I struggle with apologizing — or offer apologies that shift the blame (“I’m sorry you feel that way”) instead of taking full responsibility? 

1. Am I more focused on how others make me feel than on how I make others feel? 

1. Do I interrupt, dominate conversations, or steer discussions back to my experiences — especially when others are trying to share something vulnerable? 

1. Do I secretly feel superior to others who are struggling — even if I don’t say it out loud? 

1. Do I expect people to “just know” what I need or want, and feel resentful when they don’t? 

1. Do I offer help or support to others with strings attached — expecting loyalty, praise, or reciprocation in return? 

1. Am I uncomfortable when others outshine me or receive more attention, even if I don’t say anything? 

1. Do I justify my emotional reactions but label others as “too sensitive” when they express theirs? 

1. Do I feel a need to always be the one who’s “right” or the one who has it “worse”? 

1. Do I struggle to genuinely celebrate others’ growth, achievements, or happiness unless I’m part of the credit? 

Closing Reflection: 

Reading this may sting a little. I get that. And it if you really want to heal, I suggest going a bit further and ask these questions to someone who knows you and is prepared to give honest, direct feedback. 

It’s likely that all of us, at some point, can see glimpses of ourselves in the reflections above. That’s not a reason for shame — it’s a reason for curiosity. The point isn’t to judge, but to ask:
Am I aware of these tendencies — and what am I doing to ensure they don’t quietly harm my relationships? 

Because underneath these traits — the defensiveness, the emotional distance, the harsh judgments — there are often deeper wounds:
Unhealthy self-worth. Jealousy. A sense of entitlement. Fear of vulnerability. A competitive spirit. A disconnection from our own feelings.
 

And under all of that?
Fear. Shame. Humiliation. Unworthiness. 

Sometimes these behaviors are not arrogance — they’re avoidance.
Not confidence — but protection.
Not meanness — but pain masked in control. 

When we behave this way, we may be trying to outrun the beliefs and fears we carry about ourselves. And being truly seen — flaws and all — can feel terrifying when we’ve learned to survive by hiding or controlling or when we never felt truly accepted. 

But here’s the truth:
To get to the place where it’s safe and comfortable to be seen, we must first do the tender, messy, transformative work of fully accepting ourselves — all parts.
That takes time. It takes inner rewiring. It takes ongoing nervous system support to fully recover from the wounds of childhood trauma. And as these long-standing wounds heal, we can look at ourselves honestly, admit our faults, and still love and accept ourselves as we are, without feeling shame.  

If you’ve made it to this point in the blog, you’ve already taken that first brave step toward transformation.  

I’m here if you want to go further. 

As a Trauma & Resilience Specialist, I offer safe, compassionate support for adults navigating the complex journey of healing.
Reach out. Let’s talk about where you are — and where you long to be. 

After six plus years of trauma recovery more realizations are forthcoming. 🙂

For many years, I carried the deep pain of being distanced from my family of origin after disclosing the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of one of my brothers. The rejection I felt was profound, and I grieved not only the loss of my family but also the dream that we could acknowledge and heal together. Over time, though, I came to see an unexpected gift in this experience: the freedom to heal, grow, and become the person I always wanted to be. I have come to see there are blessings of being the black sheep and or scapegoat.

I know this happens in many families. Mine is not unique. In families that struggle with unresolved pain and silence, those who acknowledge the truth can become outsiders. At first, this felt like abandonment. But with time, I realized that distancing myself from an environment that resisted open curious discussion allowed me to begin healing in a way that wouldn’t have been possible if I had stayed. The distance gave me space to see things more clearly and to prioritize my well-being.

Many families operate under the belief that if a problem is ignored long enough, it will disappear. This is not out of malice but often stems from fear and deeply ingrained survival patterns. I have come to understand that my family of origin carries intergenerational shame, much of it unspoken and unconscious. The unwillingness to be vulnerable or curious reflects this burden, one I don’t think they even realize they are carrying.

Experiencing childhood trauma made me different. I used to hate that but now I embrace it. One of the ways I’ve been different – I see the value of talking things through. I’m willing to have the difficult conversations with like-minded individuals. I’d rather resolve issues than point fingers or assign blame (the straw and rafter principle). Conversations and relationship repair is about just that – repair and resolution. It is not about winning the argument. I have learned to take responsibility for my part in misunderstandings, even when others are unwilling or unable to do the same. I can’t make people be open to different perspectives. I can’t make people care. I can’t make people “see.” After learning about the far-reaching tentacles of shame, I now see shame has a lot to do with behaviour and choices – making it difficult to admit one’s own weaknesses and failures, even though every human being has them. My family is just like any other; we are not special or different in this regard.

Doing my childhood trauma healing has required a large measure of humility. I have had to acknowledge where I was wounded, where I needed to grow, and where I needed to extend grace—to myself and to others. True healing isn’t about proving I was right or waiting for others to change; it’s about doing the internal work necessary to free myself from the patterns of traumatic pain that once defined me. This process has been humbling, but it has also been deeply empowering.

Separation gave me the opportunity to reflect in ways I hadn’t before. I learned to trust my emotions, recognize patterns in my own behaviour, and break free from cycles of self-doubt. Without the external pressure to conform to my family’s way of coping, I embraced my own perspective and deepened my emotional intelligence. I’ve learned to name what I’ve experienced and name what I see and it’s necessary for mental and emotional clarity.

Choosing to heal meant approaching life differently than some generations had. It meant refusing to ignore painful realities for the sake of appearances. It meant committing to self-awareness and emotional honesty, even when it was uncomfortable, even painful. By doing this, I’ve been able to cultivate relationships based on openness and mutual respect—ones that feel authentic and fulfilling rather than strained by unspoken truths. This is part of the joy and confidence I feel now.

When a family relies on avoidance to maintain harmony, those who seek acknowledgment can feel out of place. For a long time, I struggled with self-doubt, wondering if I was wrong to want honesty and accountability and validation. But through my healing, I’ve learned that trusting my instincts and valuing my truth are not flaws—they are strengths. Setting boundaries that honour my well-being has deepened my self-trust and authenticity. My personal Bible study has further strengthened this, ensuring that my healing aligns with my spiritual values and bringing me confidence, inner peace, and safety.

While the pain of separation was real, it also built in me a resilience I might not have otherwise discovered. I learned that I could survive loss, navigate difficult emotions, and still find joy and connection. My journey has shown me that healing is not about waiting for others to change but about stepping into my own sense of self and creating a life aligned with my personal and spiritual values.

One of the greatest gifts of all this awareness and growth has been the realization that family is not solely defined by blood. (Psalm 27:10*) I have found deep, meaningful connections with people who see and accept me fully. These relationships, built on mutual respect and understanding, have shown me how it feels to be truly supported and loved unconditionally.

If you have found yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. It is natural to long for connection and understanding from those we were raised with, but healing does not require their validation. You learn to validate yourself. Your journey is your own, and it holds infinite possibilities beyond the past. You were not meant to shrink yourself to fit into a space that does not allow for your truth. You were meant to grow, heal, and let your light shine, not to hide your gifts under a basket.

I invite you to see your experience as the family scapegoat, not as a one of rejection but as an opportunity for profound healing and transformation. And if you need support along the way, know that there are others who see you, hear you, and walk this path alongside you.

This blog highlights the blessings that come from being the scapegoat—freedom, clarity, healing, and deeper connections.

*Until recently I have resisted religious language as I know that many childhood trauma survivors have had religion and misquoted/misapplied scripture used against them. Please know that I understand. In this blog, the sharing of divine quotes is in ways that support, encourage, and validate, not to shame or judge.

This image holds a powerful reminder of how our perceptions can be misleading. It’s a photo of rocks that, from a particular angle, appear as a person quietly sitting in water, reading a book. The visual illusion mirrors the inner landscape of trauma recovery: assumptions about appearances can lead to profound misunderstandings.

When I first saw this image, it resonated with a deep part of me, surfacing wounds from times when I was misjudged, or my intentions were misunderstood. I thought back to moments when, instead of being asked for clarification, conclusions were jumped to, judgments were made, and these opinions were held as “fact.” And once people believe their perception to be true, there’s often little room left for understanding, or for compassion. It can be deeply painful to feel that someone wants to believe the worst, consciously or unconsciously. Such experiences can feel like a loss, and I find myself feeling sad for those who cling to assumptions rather than seeking connection.

In my journey through trauma recovery, I’ve had to carefully choose a small circle of people who embody kindness, acceptance, and understanding. I no longer have the energy for criticism and judgments that stem from others’ unresolved fears and insecurities. I’ve reached a point where my healing journey cannot coexist with others’ unmet shame or the finger-pointing that often accompanies it.

Constructive feedback, shared gently and with care, has its place. I appreciate when people express concerns using a compassionate approach, which softens the message and shows that it comes from a place of love rather than judgment. But when criticism becomes harsh or unjust, or when accusations are made, there comes a time to draw a line.

There’s a unique layer of difficulty for childhood trauma survivors, who too often find themselves the target of uninformed or hurtful opinions. Unsolicited advice from those lacking trauma awareness can cause more harm than healing. Criticism, particularly when disguised as concern, can feel more like an attack than support. Childhood trauma survivors have endured enough of this throughout their lives, often internalizing it until self-compassion feels like a distant hope.

For years, I absorbed criticism, both from others and from myself, struggling to see my own worth. Healing has allowed me to shift the lens I use to view myself and others. With a healthy sense of self, I now recognize that harsh criticism often comes from a place of hurt and fear. While I understand the pain behind the critical mindset, I’m choosing not to expose myself to it any longer. My mental health and peace require an environment of love, respect, and acceptance.

Like so many trauma survivors, I hope that others can eventually open their hearts and minds, gaining the insight needed to support without judgment. For those who care for trauma survivors, I ask that you approach with humility and curiosity. Strive for a perspective based on understanding, ask questions, and be open to growth and change. Sometimes, things are not as they seem. Remember that rock formation — it reminds us that assumptions can obscure the truth.

Stay open, and stay curious.

Discrediting a person is a common behaviour from someone who feels afraid, shameful, or jealous. Sometimes it comes from sheer ignorance. To those who receive the misjudgment (discrediting) know what is being said is not true and trust that eventually the truth will come out and if the accused is innocent, they’ll be exonerated.

Childhood trauma survivors deal with discrediting often. It can come from the abuser themselves because it is a way to move the focus from them and onto the accuser. (aka Post Abuse Grooming) The intention is to cause doubt in the credibility of the accuser.

Sometimes discrediting comes from the abuser’s enablers who have believed in or were influenced by the abusers’ denial and DARVO tactics. When enablers discredit the survivor, they join the ranks of abuser because they emotionally abuse the same survivor.

Discrediting is cruel because it makes people shy away from supporting the survivor, which adds weight and length to their painful healing journey. Withholding support to a deeply wounded individual is inhumane. It is wrong and unchristian. Emotional abandonment like this is a form of emotional abuse.

Remember, it’s part of the healing process to name what happened. Naming provides essential clarity for trauma recovery. Many abuse survivors talk about what happened to them, and when they feel safe enough, name or identify the offender. We shouldn’t be shocked because abusive people hide in plain sight. They project one way to the outside world and a different way to their target – the one revealing their toxicity. Once the offender and the offence are identified, healing happens. Why? Because secrets are no longer carried by the survivor. Survivors are now able to see what happened, name it, and address it so that they can get on with the healing process and living their lives. For the record, as I write this, I have in mind sexual and physical abuse survivors.

Too often sexual abuse survivors were marinated in the dysfunction of others because their personal boundaries were crossed at an extreme level. Because of this, survivors knowing they are responsible for is not clear. Often by the time they are adults, they have been emotionally abused, psychologically manipulated, shamed, judged, guilt-tripped, discredited, demeaned, etc., to the point that they doubt themselves, who they are and usually, their own truth of what happened. Questioning their very Self is painful and for some… it can lead to the desire to unlive.

Healing involves learning to believe in your Self – trusting in your instincts, the unshakable knowledge of what happened to you, and naming it so that you know what you’re not responsible for. In doing so, you learn to trust yourself; you learn to credit yourself.

Clarity in trauma recovery can never be over-rated. This is especially so if you find yourself around people who discredit, criticize, and gaslight you. Learn to ignore these people and trust the healing process. Learn to trust You.

Childhood trauma causes medical and mental health issues. It is not something that can be ignored long term. That’s why working with a trauma-educated mental health professional who validates, listens, believes, encourages and does what they can to hold a safe, calm, yet brave space for those deeply wounded by the abuse is necessary.

We heal in a safe community.

Those who lack empathy don’t like it when what they’ve done is brought up again and again, while you work through the trauma they caused. They expect you to move on. Even IF they apologized they expect you to move on. They often get impatient and even angry if you continue to have feelings about the pain and betrayal they’ve put you through, the hurt they caused. They think you’re “still making a big deal” out of nothing. 

 Their response shows they lack empathy. They have a character flaw. 

 The reality is, they moved on the moment they traumatized you. And often they think there is nothing to move on from. Their ease of moving on exists because they lack of empathy and compassion. It’s not you who has a problem. 

 Don’t let them gaslight you into believing that what they did was not a big deal. You matter and your feelings matter so what they did IS a big deal. 

I feel sorry for those who don’t understand the impact of interpersonal trauma, which is what childhood trauma is.

Doing the hard work at figuring out what has been underneath my health and social challenges has made a big difference in my life.

In the past I’ve felt frustrated and hurt that certain people didn’t bother to try to understand me and what I was going through. Now I release all this because I know it’s their choice to remain ignorant.

That said, there is no need to tolerate the misjudgments, criticism, false accusations, nor opinions based on ignorance.  And when it’s done to silence me,  this type of manipulation and bullying is even worse. While I understand this usually comes from some sort of fear and shame, that doesn’t mean I have to take it.

Why? It’s a form of emotional abuse and I will not allow myself to be abused and disrespected any more. Tolerating mistreatment is not showing loyalty to my own health and well being and it’s not showing loyalty to God. How so? God gave all of us the gift of life and free will including me. If I tolerate abuse, am I showing respect for my own gift of life – the one He gave me?

Knowing the physical damage that all abuse causes, I cannot with a clean conscience tolerate abusive speech. I will not allow my physical health to be compromised. It would be foolish for me to do so.

To restate what I said, I feel sorry for those who choose ignorance and deal treacherously with those who’ve been abused as children. God is watching and He’s listening.

I’ve come a long way in rebuilding my life and I won’t let anyone take away my joy and purpose. I choose peace.

Six years ago I began the hardest season of my life — of working through my childhood trauma.

In the early stages of the trauma healing process I learned what I could about the impact of various abuses so that I understood the nuances of victimhood that overpowered my life. I shared things as I connected the dots of my past. Naming what I witnessed and experienced is really important for healing. Eventually I would witness the shame, blame, unworthiness, unlovableness and powerlessness that, for the longest time dominated my life, being detoxed. Over time I’m feeling less burdened, more hopeful, more free.

I made the choice to do this publicly. The main reason being because I felt so alone in my pain that I wanted to do what I could to ensure others who were equally suffering didn’t feel that same pain of emotional abandonment.

Abuse survivors need to be believed, validated and supported. Each one has unique circumstances that caused their traumas. When people wrote supportive comments, it helped me feel less alone and that I mattered — all things that truly help with the healing. Interpersonal trauma needs healthy relationships to heal. I could see and feel I wasn’t alone. I thank you. 🤗

Putting myself out there, in hopes of supporting others, validating them through sharing what I’ve learned, also made me a target for misjudgment, criticism, false accusations (emotional abuse) and the like. Even with this, it has been worth it. I am not ashamed of my past. In fact, all of it is what makes me, me.

Women approached me and said that they read my posts, and even though they don’t comment, they really appreciated what I shared. Others said, they aren’t ready to share their abuse stories but my words really help them. They felt validated. Others have said that I am literally an answer to their prayers.

“If I can help just one person.”

The environment I grew up in didn’t feel warm and loving. It seemed that more energy was put into punishing a mistake than teaching how to do things better or think through a problem to make wise decisions. I thought that punishment was discipline, but, this is an untruth. Discipline involves teaching, educating, explaining, and conversations that include the mind and heart. Punishment is intending to make the other “feel” bad (shame) for making a mistake so hopefully they’ll “learn” to be better – all without being shown or taught how. No one thrives in constant criticism.

This mindset was very common in society during the area of my formative years. And now, decades later, sociologists and behaviorists see how damaging a shame-based upbringing is.

When there is a type of shame-based upbringing, blended with an emotionally vacant environment, the outcome is dysfunction at its best. At worst, it becomes a foundation for building narcissists, mental health and social disorders, addictions and other maladaptive coping strategies. Why? Because we are created for connection. Treatment as described above does not endear one to another; it separates and isolates instead. Shame makes one withdraw, hide. The feelings of abandonment, unworthiness, pain, frustration, powerlessness, etc., are too great for any child to manage so numbing out is usually the coping strategy of choice. Life must carry on, right?

As I continue my trauma recovery journey, insights like the above add clarity as to why I am the way I am, or rather, why I was the way I was. This, in turn, supports the growth of self-worth and self-acceptance. Growing up never feeling loved, accepted, and wanted does a number on a person’s self-worth. It is a relief to grasp that all these limiting beliefs are temporary because new neural pathways are being made and new healthy beliefs are being established and becoming entrenched.

I look back with a twinge of sadness – how sad it is to live with a critical mindset — how much joy and connections people miss out on because of unhealthy mindsets.

When healing happens, there are glimmers of hope, freedom from the shackles of abuse, and sacred periods of time that are full of authenticity and joy. All the painful work needed to heal, makes it completely worthwhile.

My wish for you is to experience these good feelings of joy, connection, and authenticity. And that they increase in duration to where these become your “normal.”

If we consider ourselves amongst those who empathize, respect and dignify others, we interact with others with an underlying assumption that those we cross paths with are the same way. We project our own goodness onto others, assuming they’re like us.

In time we learn that nothing could be further from the truth. There are those who aren’t like us at all. These ones pretend enough “niceness” to manipulate people in order to get what they want. And they live among us, in our homes, places of employment, churches, social clubs, etc.

Abusers have a smooth and cunning way that can lead the listener to feel sorry for them. Whenever they feel threatened, like possibly being outed, the denial and wily psychological manipulation are amped up. This behaviour is called Anticipatory Grooming. They can make themselves appear spiritual, caring, right and nice  to outsiders. It sounds devilish.

People who abuse others psychologically and emotionally are incapable of fellow feeling. Some can fake concern though. That is what makes it challenging – to see them for who they truly are and accepting that they won’t change.

Abusers are good at enlisting the help of enablers who talk and gossip amongst themselves, forming opinions that are not based on facts. They delude themselves and turn their backs on the abused. Sometimes the enablers join the abuser in the abuse, or the cover up. The gang mentality Is formed and the abuser is pleased  he’s got more people under his control. The victim suffers unspeakable and immeasurable damage. Where can she go to feel safe?

It’s been a journey to accept that nefarious people are in my close circle or peripheral – lying and deceiving themselves and others. My abuser is still denying and his enablers are part of his cover-up. After five years of hanging onto a sliver of hope, it’s clear they won’t be open to the truth. It’s their choice to remain in the dark and to be deceived. Their ignorance is willful.

Post Abuse Grooming….that’s what it is.

Sadly, my situation is common, especially amongst families where there’s sibling abuse. They’ve deceived themselves and are trying to silence me.

This is a big reason why learning about the Grooming tactics of abusers is important.

I’ve made it easy to educate yourself by writing a book devoted to the subject of Grooming. In Identifying The Wolf, I unpack the four different types of that happen in three stages of the Grooming process.

Order your copy today through my website or  Amazon.