SEPTEMBER 2021

LOOKING BACK today I can see how far I have come as now I am three years into my full-on trauma recovery. 

Here I’ll share with you where I am today.

1. I am able to notice my nervous system sensitivity and adjust my schedule accordingly without the guilt and shame that used to be there. This may mean cancelling plans or rearranging my calendar and I have become OK with this. 
2. I have made peace with my body and give it the grace, space and time needed to heal at its own pace and in the manner it needs to. My body has been through A LOT and I choose to honour my body, which encapsules my life- my identity, my feelings and emotions, my memories, my dreams, my hopes, my travesties and my triumphs.
3. I am able to remember more happy memories which helps me to see that my childhood wasn’t all scary, horrifying, nor bad.
4. I’ve made peace with and am letting go certain abuses that I experienced. This feels truly liberating!
5. I acknowledge the existing challenges that reman due to the abuse I suffered. I also acknowledge that there are those that yet may surface. I accept that my own trauma recovery is my own personal journey and is unique unto me. This brings me peace.
6. Accepting that the damage done to my nervous system is real and that it’ll take much more time to fully recover. I am at peace with this.
7. Learning that I can choose to let the truth of a situation manifest in its own time. It is not on my shoulders – the pressure to expose the wrongdoing. I can carry on in my life, working on myself and ensuring I’m safe so my healing can and will continue. At one time I felt so strongly the need to jump in and stick up for the underdog, to expose the injustice and call out what is wrong. This was because I know what it feels like to feel alone with no one having your back. Now I see the need to take my time, assess, decide whether my energy level output can tolerate a certain action. This means I am no longer living in a trauma response 24/7! Yes, I still care about injustices – that will never change – but I also see the need to pick my battles in a healthy, balanced way. [I fondly recall what a boss used to say:  Ask yourself, is this the hill I want to die on today? – when I ask myself this, I am able to put things into perspective]

NEW BEHAVIOURS

1. I now say affirmations daily to parent the little Lisa inside – to tell her what she needed to hear and experience way back then. I tell the little me: I Love me, I Value me, I Appreciate me, I Accept me, I Acknowledge me, I Approve of me, I Adore me.   Interestingly, after I say these slowly and intentionally so I can feel the meaning of these words in my core, I feel more calm and at peace. This is a way to truly honour little me and assure her/me that me/my existence matters. 😊
2. I journal nearly every day and continue to receive trauma recovery coaching regularly and my therapist as/when needed. I value my need for trauma recovery support and ensure that this is a sacred part of my healing journey.
3. Daily I literally open my arms and spreading them wide while closing my eyes and imagine love and kindness entering my heart. This helps me reprogram my body and spirit to let love in. This is done to counter the bodily stance that shame had me comport. I am cognizant to stand tall, stretch my torso and hold my head back. This gets met to walk the new self-talk of empowerment, healthy pride, self-worth and confidence. [shame gets the body to fold in on itself, hunching shoulders, lowering head, trying to stay small]
4. Practice mindfulness each day, when I wake up, when I lay down at night and at least once during the day. This is a self-check in to notice my body, what it needs, taking the time to listen how it’s feeling, etc.
5. I practice self-compassion daily with healthy self-talk of acceptance of who I am and where I am at and fully trust in God’s unconditional love and acceptance of me.