Discrediting a person is a common behaviour from someone who feels afraid, shameful, or jealous. Sometimes it comes from sheer ignorance. To those who receive the misjudgment (discrediting) know what is being said is not true and trust that eventually the truth will come out and if the accused is innocent, they’ll be exonerated.

Childhood trauma survivors deal with discrediting often. It can come from the abuser themselves because it is a way to move the focus from them and onto the accuser. (aka Post Abuse Grooming) The intention is to cause doubt in the credibility of the accuser.

Sometimes discrediting comes from the abuser’s enablers who have believed in or were influenced by the abusers’ denial and DARVO tactics. When enablers discredit the survivor, they join the ranks of abuser because they emotionally abuse the same survivor.

Discrediting is cruel because it makes people shy away from supporting the survivor, which adds weight and length to their painful healing journey. Withholding support to a deeply wounded individual is inhumane. It is wrong and unchristian. Emotional abandonment like this is a form of emotional abuse.

Remember, it’s part of the healing process to name what happened. Naming provides essential clarity for trauma recovery. Many abuse survivors talk about what happened to them, and when they feel safe enough, name or identify the offender. We shouldn’t be shocked because abusive people hide in plain sight. They project one way to the outside world and a different way to their target – the one revealing their toxicity. Once the offender and the offence are identified, healing happens. Why? Because secrets are no longer carried by the survivor. Survivors are now able to see what happened, name it, and address it so that they can get on with the healing process and living their lives. For the record, as I write this, I have in mind sexual and physical abuse survivors.

Too often sexual abuse survivors were marinated in the dysfunction of others because their personal boundaries were crossed at an extreme level. Because of this, survivors knowing they are responsible for is not clear. Often by the time they are adults, they have been emotionally abused, psychologically manipulated, shamed, judged, guilt-tripped, discredited, demeaned, etc., to the point that they doubt themselves, who they are and usually, their own truth of what happened. Questioning their very Self is painful and for some… it can lead to the desire to unlive.

Healing involves learning to believe in your Self – trusting in your instincts, the unshakable knowledge of what happened to you, and naming it so that you know what you’re not responsible for. In doing so, you learn to trust yourself; you learn to credit yourself.

Clarity in trauma recovery can never be over-rated. This is especially so if you find yourself around people who discredit, criticize, and gaslight you. Learn to ignore these people and trust the healing process. Learn to trust You.

Childhood trauma causes medical and mental health issues. It is not something that can be ignored long term. That’s why working with a trauma-educated mental health professional who validates, listens, believes, encourages and does what they can to hold a safe, calm, yet brave space for those deeply wounded by the abuse is necessary.

We heal in a safe community.