HAVE YOU EVER BEEN LEFT …..
D
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L
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?
I have….. many times, literally and metaphorically.
Have you noticed how this impacts your nervous system?
This is a recent epiphany for me – today in fact.
Left Dangling – As a childhood trauma survivor I’ve experienced this on different levels. I’ve addressed many of my traumas, and this new one about dangling surfaced. This is a new realization of what my body and nervous system endured in the past.
Left dangling hanging evokes feelings of abandonment, rejection, fear, unworthiness, and confusion. Definitely there is a sense of powerlessness. One’s sense of justice cries out. It is a tool, when used intentionally by the perpetrator, to get their need for power and control met. This happens in private life and in professional life – it can happen in every relationship.
How was I left Dangling, literally? Well…. And here is a Trigger warning:
Before I was 3, an abuser led me to a 2nd story bedroom and dangled me outside, upside down, by the ankles. I have no visual recollection of this event. HOWEVER, my nervous system most certainly does. How do I know this happened?
When I confronted this same abuser about memories of something sexual done to me he said something like: Don’t you remember me hanging you upside down outside…… window? I thought you’d remember that more than this.
This makes sense why in July 2018 I had such a physiological response to his religious abuse. I felt absolutely terrorized and frightened out of my mind by him and this experience. My nervous system registers him as unsafe.
The dangling -- I see now how it showed up in the decisions I’ve made – of my insatiable need to know, to understand so that I have clarity and am not left behind, not left *hanging/dangling*. Confusion itself can be a trigger for me. This fear of dangling, of not having the support I need, the knowledge I believe I need, spurs me on to keep reaching forward until this need is met. My nervous system sees this as a matter of life or death….and it is not something that can be reasoned away, unfortunately – not when I’m feeling that dangling feeling.
When I look back, there are pivotal times in my life where I was left dangling, without support. These were events that were big in my life as a little girl. And when a little girl is left, abandoned emotionally, what message does she receive?
Abuse alone makes one feel isolated and alone. It terrifies. The psychological damage that emotional neglect (abandonment/left dangling) evokes is more damaging than the physical or sexual abuse itself. The feeling of betrayal is deep…. Deep….. Deep.
It truly is amazing how childhood experiences show up later in life.
Healing requires the conscious brain to acknowledge what the body and nervous system experienced – that the events which evoke these feelings…. happened. The mind / body connection exists, and childhood trauma survivors have often developed a disconnect between these two.
I tell my clients – You have to Name it to Tame it.
And as a fellow trauma survivor I too must walk my talk. Trauma recovery requires acknowledgement of what happened [each time I somatically acknowledge an event such as described above I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. My body has a physiological response, and I need days to recover] Therefore, I must name the experience[s], gently sit in the feelings that arise and use this as an opportunity for self-compassion, self-understanding, and if needed, self-forgiveness. It is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame. After I do this, the unpleasant feelings dissipate, and inner peace arrives. These are replaced by feelings of love, acceptance, compassion, appreciation, and PEACE! This is what makes trauma recovery worth the work.
I admit, healing is messy. Here I am 3.5 years into the hardest work I’ve ever done. Current life challenges that we all experience, always have connections to the past if some parts of the past are unresolved. Detoxing from the past is ongoing. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, and I see this as a good thing.
Feeling some of the pain does not mean one is weak.
Rather it requires tremendous strength and courage to face unknowns or terrorizing and humiliating experiences. Yet you don’t have to relive them.
Having a compassionate witness to sit with, to offer validation, encouragement, support, comfort, and provide some navigating ideas…. All this helps the childhood trauma survivor keep doing the healing work.
We ALL need that one close, heart to heart connection. We ALL need to feel attuned to, to feel validated. THIS is where healing happens. If you have more than one such connection, then please consider yourself blessed.
Life carries on. It is not fun nor fulfilling sitting in the sidelines. Trauma survivors often feel like observers of life instead of participants. They want and need more – to keep moving forward – to keep on climbing. We all are designed to feel and experience joy. We need to feel free, to live the life we love, to feel exhilaration – authenticity. As a childhood trauma survivor, I can confidently say:  it’s worth ALL the work.
You are NOT Alone.
THIS is also what I offer my clients. I have lived experience in Childhood Trauma. I get it.
~Compassion
~Acceptance
~Safety
~Attunement
My CASA Method of Coaching
I sit WITH you. I’m here.
This IS MY SUPERPOWER.