A few days ago, I woke up with a couple of things swirling in my head. Some of which involved what I learned in my TR Coaching course- How we as coaches want to help our clients see that they have Voice and Choice. So… Voice and Choice… hmmmm. …. Then I thought, “How do I live knowing deep within that I have Voice and Choice?” “What does that look like, feel like to me?”
So you see, healing from Complex PTSD [and I’ve called it various names: Childhood Trauma, Complex Trauma, Developmental Trauma, Childhood Sexual abuse, Childhood Abuse trauma, C-PTSD] is a life-long journey and one of the ‘silver linings’ of recovering from C-PTSD are the things I’ve learned about myself, and how the physiological, psychological and relational damage that ensued now explains my actions, my choices, my challenges and my triumphs. To be able to understand the WHYs in my life has helped me sooo much. I cannot explain really the sense of jubilation I feel when I have these AHA moments after I’ve learned a word or a name that describes what was going on in my head or body or what certain behaviours were that I experienced which left me feeling sad and disrespected. The silver lining is the ability to develop self-compassion. The harsh self-judgement and the negative natterer that lived in my head has pretty much disappeared. Having that relief gifts me the freedom to be able to do more for others with greater joy. I don’t feel like I am being ‘held back’ when it comes to reaching out and connecting with others.
So this Voice and Choice. All along I’ve tried to use my voice and the frustrating part of doing that is being treated with disrespect while doing so. And yet, this hasn’t stopped me. My choice is to use my voice. I write of my healing journey so that other abuse victims can see and know that they are not alone. As said before, childhood abuse victims grow up feeling so alone, isolated and like they don’t belong anywhere. I feel such empathy and compassion for those who struggle with these same feelings. I know how debilitating they are. Sharing my experiences is my gift of understanding and compassion to them, to you.